Allowing Emotions

This morning I woke in the pale grey with an idea I believed to be an inspiration. I propped myself on one elbow, switched on the light and made quick notes. I felt happy because I believed I was in the flow, allowing inspiration to flow through me. I felt good, sure that I was being inspired along the lines of my life purpose. I had the intention of acting on that inspiration today and putting my idea into practice.

A little later an innocent comment from someone triggered a reaction in me, a constriction and painful surge of emotions that felt like my big happy bubble had just burst. I suddenly thought that my idea would be seen as silly, ridiculous even. I felt in advance feelings of humiliation and shame. I imagined others' judgements of me, being associated with such a silly idea. I started to think that no-one else would want to be associated with my idea. My whole core felt hurt and diminished.

I tried very hard not to let the person who made the remark know what was happening inside me (we were on the phone, but even so, you can hear a lot in tone, or silence), because I knew immediately that this huge reaction was all about my own stuff, and not about his. After the phone call I allowed the emotions to wash over me, feeling awful, but trying at the same time to observe and learn.

Eventually, after a stream of gloomy thoughts, I began to pick myself up again. I thought, 'OK, perhaps I have to change the idea a little. But I don't have to abandon it altogether.'

Then I checked into Facebook. I've heard a lot about synchronicity. It's amazing, and funny, once this stuff starts to flow. Now I'm really getting it! I love the way Facebook allows the Universe to make seemingly random events happen right on the button.

This quote came up from Tao of the Giraffe, one of my favourite Facebook feeds:

"What other people think of you is none of your business."

And a little later, this video popped up from We Can All Be Heroes :



I very much enjoyed the whole scene, and the commentary, but especially the narrator's summing up at the end.


I'm beginning to access a detachment that allows me to feel the emotions as they occur, but not to be swamped by them or act on them in a way that will just cause more pain. It's not easy, but I'm motivated because it's better than being a slave to my painful emotions. I was helped very much in this regard by listening to Gary Zukav and Linda Francis yesterday evening in an interview in the Healing with the Masters series, and watching little videos on their website Seat of the Soul Institute. Another case of good timing? It would certainly seem so.

I'm laughing at myself now. I hope soon I'll be able to laugh even as I observe myself going through another bubble-bursting episode, sure that it will give me the opportunity to reduce the power that the painful emotions have over me. Or will that make people think I'm crazy? Ha ha, I don't care!

And the idea … ? Well, I'm still feeling a little shy about it, but I'm definitely working on it.