Now I understand why I cried so much as a teenager: I mourned the terrible loss of my belief in a deep magic inherent in life.
I didn't know it, but I was letting go, under a constant bombardment from the prevailing world view, of my connection to everything else. To the wild things, to my inner self, to the magic of infinite possibilities.
I'm so very happy to have found it again.
I got here, step by tiny step, by beginning to entertain the notion first that I could overcome my limiting beliefs, then that I could change my circumstances. As it turned out, the one followed on from the other.
One of the major landmarks along the road is when you give yourself permission to please yourself - not to the detriment of others, but in a self-nurturing way. Prepare to think differently to everyone else. Learn to ask yourself what you really want and "follow your excitement". Life takes on new flavours, new colours, scents, sensualities, all run through with eagerness and joy.
I followed my excitement to study biology with the Open University. So fascinating, so amazing, the extent of the activity in each tiny cell of my body, at a speed that defies comprehension. Learning the science of life hasn't lessened my awe in the mystery, it's heightened it.
Three books which have helped renew my belief in magic* - a sort of marriage of science and mystery - are:
The Biology of Belief: Unleashing the Power of Consciousness, Matter & Miracles
(UK) - how our beliefs shape our biology, right down to the cellular level. You don't need any knowledge of biology or science to read it, it's really easy to read and explained very well.
Biology of Belief - US
Biocentrism
(UK) - the notion that everything (yes, everything) exists because life exists, not the other way around. A bit of a mind bender, again beautifully written.
Biocentrism - US
Cosmic Serpent: DNA and the Origins of Knowledge
(UK) - joining the dots between shamanic experiences and modern science. I defy any biologist to read this and remain closed to the concept that we are so much more than co-ordinated chemical reactions.
The Cosmic Serpent - US
*By magic I mean, that there is still a deep and beautiful mystery to life, the universe and everything; that so much more is possible than we have been led to believe by the rigid lines of this current collapsing paradigm. One day these inexplicable phenomena will have everyday names and they won't be thought of as magic at all, because it will be totally accepted as normal! I suspect, though, that there will always be some deeper mystery to go on chasing. Hope so. Let's keep it juicy.
